well, first let God speak for himself...
and now SM Lockridge
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Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
investigation of "hope"
Today as I was doing devotions I was reading through some Psalms. After reading Psalm 4 I felt overwhelmed by the Spirit and could think of nothing to do but pray - specifically for the people living in the United States.
One thing I have been struggling with for many months is how a Christian should be involved/behave in the political arena. That struggle of mine climaxed during the election, and after all those months, I am finally getting some solidification in what I think is proper (through Scripture and prayer and the Spirit). Although I won't talk much about that now, I will say that at first I became very disinterested in politics. I strayed far from much involvement in the election (although in the end I did decide to vote), but beyond all that, I was simply burdened with sadness for all the lost souls in the US.
Psalm 4:6-8 says this:
I thought on the peace I have and the joy in my heart from knowing Christ. I thought on how I will not only live on forever with the Lord and rejoice in Him always, but how He has changed my life here on the earth. How I can live a redeemed life and let Christ shine through, for it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
But I also was distraught by what many Americans think: that there is no God, or that He doesn't care, or that it doesn't matter whether God exists or what He thinks about what people do. When I read that Psalm I thought of the hope that I have in Christ.
1 John 3:1-3
So we have hope based on God.
I thought about how Americans have been hoping, and what they have been hoping for, and what they put their hope in. I couldn't help but think of soon-to-be president Obama.
He says this on his website:
"That's what hope is. Reaching for, working for, fighting for what didn't seem possible before." -- Barack Obama in Ames, Iowa on December 31st, 2007
These posters were pervasive:
And that scares me. Some people say Obama is the "hope of the entire world". But what is Barack Obama but a man? He is no different than you or me. He is a sinner and in need of a savior. People are placing all of their expectations and hopes and desires for a difference in the world in a man that is going to run the United States, but in and of himself is powerless, even in that position. I don't know the future and don't know what will happen during Obama's presidency, but either way: it is impossible for him to meet people's expectations and hopes. Those people will have to accept (or just be in denial) that Obama is not the savior that they thought him to be. Even if things go extraordinarily well, there is still sin in this world and that will not change until Christ returns...
I mean not to make a great political statement for or against (what this may seem to some) Obama, but just a great statement that people would have a hope based on our true Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, not Obama.
More on hope in the Bible:
Psalm 42:5b
Hosea 12:6
1 Peter 1:3-4
Hope
Oh, how I pray that people would turn to Jesus instead of another sinner.
Oh, and North Wake Church is doing a four-week series on hope starting tomorrow. :)
One thing I have been struggling with for many months is how a Christian should be involved/behave in the political arena. That struggle of mine climaxed during the election, and after all those months, I am finally getting some solidification in what I think is proper (through Scripture and prayer and the Spirit). Although I won't talk much about that now, I will say that at first I became very disinterested in politics. I strayed far from much involvement in the election (although in the end I did decide to vote), but beyond all that, I was simply burdened with sadness for all the lost souls in the US.
Psalm 4:6-8 says this:
Many people say, “Who will show us better times?”
Let your face smile on us, Lord.
You have given me greater joy
than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine.
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.
I thought on the peace I have and the joy in my heart from knowing Christ. I thought on how I will not only live on forever with the Lord and rejoice in Him always, but how He has changed my life here on the earth. How I can live a redeemed life and let Christ shine through, for it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
But I also was distraught by what many Americans think: that there is no God, or that He doesn't care, or that it doesn't matter whether God exists or what He thinks about what people do. When I read that Psalm I thought of the hope that I have in Christ.
See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him. Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. And all who have this eager expectation [hope] will keep themselves pure, just as he is pure.
1 John 3:1-3
So we have hope based on God.
I thought about how Americans have been hoping, and what they have been hoping for, and what they put their hope in. I couldn't help but think of soon-to-be president Obama.
He says this on his website:
"That's what hope is. Reaching for, working for, fighting for what didn't seem possible before." -- Barack Obama in Ames, Iowa on December 31st, 2007
These posters were pervasive:
And that scares me. Some people say Obama is the "hope of the entire world". But what is Barack Obama but a man? He is no different than you or me. He is a sinner and in need of a savior. People are placing all of their expectations and hopes and desires for a difference in the world in a man that is going to run the United States, but in and of himself is powerless, even in that position. I don't know the future and don't know what will happen during Obama's presidency, but either way: it is impossible for him to meet people's expectations and hopes. Those people will have to accept (or just be in denial) that Obama is not the savior that they thought him to be. Even if things go extraordinarily well, there is still sin in this world and that will not change until Christ returns...
I mean not to make a great political statement for or against (what this may seem to some) Obama, but just a great statement that people would have a hope based on our true Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, not Obama.
More on hope in the Bible:
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:5b
But you must return to your God.
Maintain love and justice,
and always put your hope in God.
Hosea 12:6
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.
1 Peter 1:3-4
Hope
Oh, how I pray that people would turn to Jesus instead of another sinner.
Oh, and North Wake Church is doing a four-week series on hope starting tomorrow. :)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
some good music
merry christmas! i wanted to share with everyone my current favorite christmas song, "born in bethlehem" by third day.
my other favorite songs at the moment are "how deep the father's love," "revelation song," (admittedly i always giggle at the "clothed in rainbows of living color" part - blame daniel! haha) and "in christ alone," a perennial favorite.
and, christmas is awesome. i had a great time celebrating jesus' birthday and thinking on how good God is to us who deserve nothing but the worst.
Romans 8:38-39
if you are reading this from a reader, you may not be able to see the links in some cases (like google reader on the igoogle homepage... haha, happens to me all the time).
soon i will go to cincinatti to spend time with some of my loved friends there. then i will return to wake forest where it will be much lonlier than usual with one of our usual missing, who will be assissting relatives in hong kong. pray for her and for the situation please.
my other favorite songs at the moment are "how deep the father's love," "revelation song," (admittedly i always giggle at the "clothed in rainbows of living color" part - blame daniel! haha) and "in christ alone," a perennial favorite.
and, christmas is awesome. i had a great time celebrating jesus' birthday and thinking on how good God is to us who deserve nothing but the worst.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39
if you are reading this from a reader, you may not be able to see the links in some cases (like google reader on the igoogle homepage... haha, happens to me all the time).
soon i will go to cincinatti to spend time with some of my loved friends there. then i will return to wake forest where it will be much lonlier than usual with one of our usual missing, who will be assissting relatives in hong kong. pray for her and for the situation please.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
i want this
psalm 119:33-40
He
33 Teach me your decrees, O Lord;
I will keep them to the end.
34 Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions;
I will put them into practice with all my heart.
35 Make me walk along the path of your commands,
for that is where my happiness is found.
36 Give me an eagerness for your laws
rather than a love for money!
37 Turn my eyes from worthless things,
and give me life through your word.
38 Reassure me of your promise,
made to those who fear you.
39 Help me abandon my shameful ways;
for your regulations are good.
40 I long to obey your commandments!
Renew my life with your goodness.
a teachable (33), humble (34, and so on), submissive, eager, repentant, trusting, changed, new heart/spirit.
This is what I want.
currently reading: brian mclaren's "finding faith: a search for what makes sense". do not recommend it.
He
33 Teach me your decrees, O Lord;
I will keep them to the end.
34 Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions;
I will put them into practice with all my heart.
35 Make me walk along the path of your commands,
for that is where my happiness is found.
36 Give me an eagerness for your laws
rather than a love for money!
37 Turn my eyes from worthless things,
and give me life through your word.
38 Reassure me of your promise,
made to those who fear you.
39 Help me abandon my shameful ways;
for your regulations are good.
40 I long to obey your commandments!
Renew my life with your goodness.
a teachable (33), humble (34, and so on), submissive, eager, repentant, trusting, changed, new heart/spirit.
This is what I want.
currently reading: brian mclaren's "finding faith: a search for what makes sense". do not recommend it.
Monday, October 6, 2008
hebrew
I wish I could understand Hebrew... I was just reading John 4 and Jesus kind of talks like a BA! Really... He just gets straight to the point and is like, woman, if only you knew! Anyhow, I wonder if the language that he originally used was polite language used with strangers or what the nuances there are. I will have to ask someone... One nice thing about being at seminary is that there is no shortage of people proficient in Biblical languages :P
memory verse for the week: John 3:34
Then Jesus explained: "My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work".
memory verse for the week: John 3:34
Then Jesus explained: "My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work".
Sunday, September 21, 2008
my right eye hurts
how strange.
i had a most fabulous sunday; i went to church at 9 AM (crazy, right, i know... i've been going to the 10:45, but for a reason i had to go earlier. i'm a night church owl), and at 10:45 was the new member class. it's seven weeks long, and i might be baptized (again... again). i'm not sure if i need to be... i think i will talk to one of the pastors about it. last time we had a baptism service at newlife i had been wondering about it but wasn't sure. but having contemplated the matter, i think that i only believed with my head that Jesus was Savior in march, 2007, and that it wasn't until june, 2007 that i believed with my everything.
after membership class, i found my small group people, and most of us went to moe's for some food. i don't like that place. i've tried two different things there... chipotle is just too good! but i like the people, so it's good. then we went to good neighbor sunday, a music/free food & t-shirt/family event in a park by the seminary. it was fun and i chilled with the sg and joanna came! annemarie also stopped by right before i left.
then joanna and i, and some of her friends went to open door baptist church's baptism service at falls lake. it was awesome, and fun. then joanna and i talked and watched a movie ("scoop" with wolverine and scarlett johanson).
it was a long day but full of fun and people that i love...
at work the other day when i came, i looked in the dining room and seriously thought i saw joel osteen. understandably it scared me and made me want to share jesus with him... then somebody told me that one of my sg people was there and had asked if i was there. it was duncan, and he was sitting with the not-joel osteen! i went and talked to them and told the guy i thought he looked like joel. apparently it wasn't the first time... and duncan told me today that that guy shaved his head to not look like joel (joking or not, who knows...!). haha.
savior king by hillsong = awesome
i had a most fabulous sunday; i went to church at 9 AM (crazy, right, i know... i've been going to the 10:45, but for a reason i had to go earlier. i'm a night church owl), and at 10:45 was the new member class. it's seven weeks long, and i might be baptized (again... again). i'm not sure if i need to be... i think i will talk to one of the pastors about it. last time we had a baptism service at newlife i had been wondering about it but wasn't sure. but having contemplated the matter, i think that i only believed with my head that Jesus was Savior in march, 2007, and that it wasn't until june, 2007 that i believed with my everything.
after membership class, i found my small group people, and most of us went to moe's for some food. i don't like that place. i've tried two different things there... chipotle is just too good! but i like the people, so it's good. then we went to good neighbor sunday, a music/free food & t-shirt/family event in a park by the seminary. it was fun and i chilled with the sg and joanna came! annemarie also stopped by right before i left.
then joanna and i, and some of her friends went to open door baptist church's baptism service at falls lake. it was awesome, and fun. then joanna and i talked and watched a movie ("scoop" with wolverine and scarlett johanson).
it was a long day but full of fun and people that i love...
at work the other day when i came, i looked in the dining room and seriously thought i saw joel osteen. understandably it scared me and made me want to share jesus with him... then somebody told me that one of my sg people was there and had asked if i was there. it was duncan, and he was sitting with the not-joel osteen! i went and talked to them and told the guy i thought he looked like joel. apparently it wasn't the first time... and duncan told me today that that guy shaved his head to not look like joel (joking or not, who knows...!). haha.
savior king by hillsong = awesome
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
integrity and purity
Yesterday's chapel message was by Dr. Akin and was on Psalm 101 - "Indicators of Integrity". The link has the manuscript, audio file, and his outline of points, which I will reproduce here:
The man of integrity:
Psalm 101
A Vow of Integrity
A Davidic psalm.
For a while I was confused because Dr. Akin was saying that we should only be around those who are blameless and have a servant's heart... well, I'm not blameless and sometimes I don't a servant's heart, and many people I know have issues. Which I was taking to mean that we shouldn't be around any other kind of people. Which would make discipleship and evangelism and having friends very hard. But I think he was talking about people on leadership teams. They are always addressing the men only, forgetting about the women... oh well.
Something that isn't as expounded in the manuscript is Dr. Akin's thoughts on purity. He challenged us all to commit to never being alone with someone of the opposite sex beside our wife/husband. I've heard talk about this before in Joshua Harris' books, and talking about it with other students. And then today, a classmate/neighbor that came over and had a brownie at my house apologized to me for us being alone, for the sake of our future spouses and ministries.
I really didn't know how to respond... I think I should apologize to him for making him uncomfortable - I don't think anyone should do anything that is against their conscience. But, I just do not feel convicted that being alone with a boy/guy/man is somehow impure or even a "hint of" impurity. I wouldn't be comfortable being alone with a married guy out of respect for him and his wife, and maybe that should carry over for me to all other guys, too. I pray that if that is what the Lord wills that the Holy Spirit would convict me of it... otherwise I think that I would just be falling further into legalism and church culture as opposed to truly seeking after God.
How/what do you feel/think about this?
The man of integrity:
1. Will honor the Lord. (v. 1)
2. Will live wisely. (v. 2)
3. Will care for his home. (v. 2)
4. Will monitor his eyes. (v. 3)
5. Will hate what is false. (v. 3)
6. Will attend to his heart. (v. 4)
7. Will guard his soul. (v. 5)
8. Will seek out the faithful. (v. 6)
9. Will deal with the deceitful. (v. 7)
10. Will understand the Lord's standards. (v. 8)
Psalm 101
A Vow of Integrity
A Davidic psalm.
1 I will sing of faithful love and justice;
I will sing praise to You, LORD.
2 I will pay attention to the way of integrity.
When will You come to me?
I will live with integrity of heart in my house.
3 I will not set anything godless before my eyes.
I hate the doing of transgression;
it will not cling to me.
4 A devious heart will be far from me;
I will not be involved with [a] evil.
5 I will destroy anyone
who secretly slanders his neighbor;
I cannot tolerate anyone
with haughty eyes or an arrogant heart.
6 My eyes [favor] the faithful of the land
so that they may sit down with me.
The one who follows the way of integrity
may serve me.
7 No one who acts deceitfully
will live in my palace;
no one who tells lies
will remain in my presence.
8 Every morning I will destroy
all the wicked of the land,
eliminating all evildoers from the LORD's city.
For a while I was confused because Dr. Akin was saying that we should only be around those who are blameless and have a servant's heart... well, I'm not blameless and sometimes I don't a servant's heart, and many people I know have issues. Which I was taking to mean that we shouldn't be around any other kind of people. Which would make discipleship and evangelism and having friends very hard. But I think he was talking about people on leadership teams. They are always addressing the men only, forgetting about the women... oh well.
Something that isn't as expounded in the manuscript is Dr. Akin's thoughts on purity. He challenged us all to commit to never being alone with someone of the opposite sex beside our wife/husband. I've heard talk about this before in Joshua Harris' books, and talking about it with other students. And then today, a classmate/neighbor that came over and had a brownie at my house apologized to me for us being alone, for the sake of our future spouses and ministries.
I really didn't know how to respond... I think I should apologize to him for making him uncomfortable - I don't think anyone should do anything that is against their conscience. But, I just do not feel convicted that being alone with a boy/guy/man is somehow impure or even a "hint of" impurity. I wouldn't be comfortable being alone with a married guy out of respect for him and his wife, and maybe that should carry over for me to all other guys, too. I pray that if that is what the Lord wills that the Holy Spirit would convict me of it... otherwise I think that I would just be falling further into legalism and church culture as opposed to truly seeking after God.
How/what do you feel/think about this?
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
hmm
me: well, I'm from Ohio.
her: Oh, I'm from Michigan!
him: Do you have Baptist churches in Ohio?
me: yes.
her: they are everywhere, you know.
him: man, they should build a fence around wake forest.
me: why's that?
him: to keep all the Christians in.
me: what grievances do you have against Christians?
him: well pull up a chair. Christians scares the h*** out of me. First, they don't oppose the war. Second, they are extremely sexist. They edit the Bible. (and he goes on)
(then I had to run off and get food)
(eventually he asked me to bring him water and turn it into wine)
yikes. I am really sad I didn't get a chance to further talk to this guy. It seems like he had a bad experience... I think he grew up in the Catholic church because he did that cross thingy once. Yeah... And this guy LOOKED angry and was talking really angry. Very confrontational. I wish I could have talked to him... :(
Had a good conversation with my boss tonight about how he feels about the Catholic church. He recommended that I listen to a sermon (? or... speech rather I guess) by a now Catholic, former Protestant theologian. I was going to, but I forgot his name...
her: Oh, I'm from Michigan!
him: Do you have Baptist churches in Ohio?
me: yes.
her: they are everywhere, you know.
him: man, they should build a fence around wake forest.
me: why's that?
him: to keep all the Christians in.
me: what grievances do you have against Christians?
him: well pull up a chair. Christians scares the h*** out of me. First, they don't oppose the war. Second, they are extremely sexist. They edit the Bible. (and he goes on)
(then I had to run off and get food)
(eventually he asked me to bring him water and turn it into wine)
yikes. I am really sad I didn't get a chance to further talk to this guy. It seems like he had a bad experience... I think he grew up in the Catholic church because he did that cross thingy once. Yeah... And this guy LOOKED angry and was talking really angry. Very confrontational. I wish I could have talked to him... :(
Had a good conversation with my boss tonight about how he feels about the Catholic church. He recommended that I listen to a sermon (? or... speech rather I guess) by a now Catholic, former Protestant theologian. I was going to, but I forgot his name...
dusty blinds.
My blinds are dusty. But that is for another day.
I am intensely excited about the rest of my church history classes (second half of church history, baptist history, and perhaps more). I am fascinated with denominations and how they came about, how they work, what they mean for the church, all sorts of things. I'm not sure how deep into that stuff they get into in a church history class; maybe it is in some other classes or I will have to read some books. Baptist history will be really interesting because so many people here and some other people that I know specifically identify as Southern Baptists. I do not. to some of them perhaps I appear a heathen with my dancing, tattoo-ing, card playing ways, and candle burning (I got asked if I was into seance the other day)...
I am also interested in the theology and evolution and everything else of worship.
-please pray for one of my professor's wives (am I wording that wrong? all of my professors only have one wife...) who is having surgery tomorrow
-please pray for the hearts of my boss and someone I met at a movie theater and that they would surrender their lives to the Lord
Have any of you read any books by Rob Bell? Every orthodox Christian that I know says he is a heretic. So... naturally, I want to read his books!
I am going to try to make sevichy fish... has anyone attempted this? I am scared :'(
I'm visiting a small group tomorrow! I haven't been to a small group here in WF yet, so I'm pumped. Also I am getting a loveseat tomorrow. Lord willing. So far he hasn't. And then Thursday I'm going to meet some awesome people for coffee..!! Meaning I will get hot chocolate or something, haha.
I am intensely excited about the rest of my church history classes (second half of church history, baptist history, and perhaps more). I am fascinated with denominations and how they came about, how they work, what they mean for the church, all sorts of things. I'm not sure how deep into that stuff they get into in a church history class; maybe it is in some other classes or I will have to read some books. Baptist history will be really interesting because so many people here and some other people that I know specifically identify as Southern Baptists. I do not. to some of them perhaps I appear a heathen with my dancing, tattoo-ing, card playing ways, and candle burning (I got asked if I was into seance the other day)...
I am also interested in the theology and evolution and everything else of worship.
-please pray for one of my professor's wives (am I wording that wrong? all of my professors only have one wife...) who is having surgery tomorrow
-please pray for the hearts of my boss and someone I met at a movie theater and that they would surrender their lives to the Lord
Have any of you read any books by Rob Bell? Every orthodox Christian that I know says he is a heretic. So... naturally, I want to read his books!
I am going to try to make sevichy fish... has anyone attempted this? I am scared :'(
I'm visiting a small group tomorrow! I haven't been to a small group here in WF yet, so I'm pumped. Also I am getting a loveseat tomorrow. Lord willing. So far he hasn't. And then Thursday I'm going to meet some awesome people for coffee..!! Meaning I will get hot chocolate or something, haha.
i wonder if this is true
I was talking to my friend the other day. He knows someone that was interviewing with the IMB to be a missionary. When pressed, the man admitted to having a sip of champagne a few years before at his sister's wedding. They told him this disqualified him for service with the IMB. When the man questioned that, and said "Jesus' turned water into wine," and even drank wine, the interviewer apparently replied "Jesus was not a Southern Baptist".
I hope this isn't true, for many reasons... mostly because
1) that seems to say to me that Southern Baptists are apparently more important than God and
2) I have had alcohol, including since I became a Christian (but not since I have come to seminary... I signed the covenant that says I won't and I will honor that). (I wonder if it was just that he had alcohol at all, or if he was a deacon or an elder at the time, or what. Because that could change things).
I hope this isn't true, for many reasons... mostly because
1) that seems to say to me that Southern Baptists are apparently more important than God and
2) I have had alcohol, including since I became a Christian (but not since I have come to seminary... I signed the covenant that says I won't and I will honor that). (I wonder if it was just that he had alcohol at all, or if he was a deacon or an elder at the time, or what. Because that could change things).
You can read Dr. Akin's (president of sebts) thoughts on alcohol here. I am one of those that "don't agree". He recently sent this out to us in a slightly different form. It kind of made me want to hit my head against the wall, but I understand where he is coming from. I wouldn't drink either if my future husband had that kind of experience.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
God is so good
He really is, and I am amazed every single day of the ways that He works.
Just a quick post, because I have a lot of reading to do:
Tonight I went to the International Justice Mission (IJM) meeting. I've been planning on going but then was about not to because of the forementioned homework, but I felt led by the Holy Spirit to go so I went and wow. It was a beautiful thing to see people be so honest and heartfelt and full of love for so many people that just are not being loved. Honestly I thought that the people there were going to be making idols of their causes, but first and foremost they exist as a organization to glorify the Lord. I think I nearly broke down in tears about five times, and was convicted of a great need and urgency, for my complete obedience and total surrender, and so many other things... it is really hard to process and I need to go do reading and then pray and pray and pray and probably cry.
Yeah. Hope all you people have had a good day and are rejoicing in the Lord.
Just a quick post, because I have a lot of reading to do:
Tonight I went to the International Justice Mission (IJM) meeting. I've been planning on going but then was about not to because of the forementioned homework, but I felt led by the Holy Spirit to go so I went and wow. It was a beautiful thing to see people be so honest and heartfelt and full of love for so many people that just are not being loved. Honestly I thought that the people there were going to be making idols of their causes, but first and foremost they exist as a organization to glorify the Lord. I think I nearly broke down in tears about five times, and was convicted of a great need and urgency, for my complete obedience and total surrender, and so many other things... it is really hard to process and I need to go do reading and then pray and pray and pray and probably cry.
Yeah. Hope all you people have had a good day and are rejoicing in the Lord.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
so yeah
I was supposed to meet a guy that I met at the movie theater the other day, but when it came down to it I told him I didn't want to go to his apartment/be alone and then he stopped talking to me. Yeah...
Sometimes I don't know if 1) I am crazy or 2) if everybody hates me. I think that this is an issue that I have and I really need to stop thinking that everybody is passive-aggressively trying to ignore me/piss me off. I try to understand that I am loved by God and that I am worthy because I am loved by Him (not loved by Him because I am worthy). But that has been really hard for me for the last few months.
When I was in Columbus, I felt so shunned... It seemed like if I asked people to do things with me (alone, as a group, whatever) people didn't want to or were always busy and then would never get back to me when they weren't busy. It wasn't for the last two or three weeks there that I actually felt cared about by anyone that that is why it is so bittersweet for me to have moved here. But most of the people that I love in Columbus are moving anyway.
Moving to a new school in the US is totally different than moving to China for a study abroad. When I went to China, I went with a bunch of other study-abroaders and lived with them, so we made friends within that group. Everyone understandably wanted to have friends and people to be close to, so people looked in that group. But here, it is so different. A lot of people have already been at the school and have friends that they hang around with or are already established in this area and stay within their group. I was so excited when last week my roommate asked me to go hang out with her friends... that was really nice, because I actually got to talk to people. I've hung out with some of my neighbors and stuff but it just seems like they don't want to hang out with me... I guess. I don't want to or need to dominate anyone's time, but I dunno... study sessions at a bookstore? I feel like since we are all in seminary that could be a group activity. Maybe not. And it sucks because I guess I'm not that social.
Anyhow it is super lonely here. Sometimes I get to talk to people but I never get to talk about how I feel or what is going on in my heart or prayer requests or anything and it is really hard... and I have been constantly in prayer but I really want some friends, too. I just feel weird sometimes, like I'm not good enough, not into the right music, not into the right sports, whatever, to be included.
But I am so grateful for the people that God has put in my life lately, like my nice neighbors that take me to church with them, invite me to hang out, and let me do laundry at their place; and for everything else those people already mean to me, I'm sure they don't know how much. And in those people I have seen people come from such different circumstances than me. I'm so used to people from Ohio and people from suburban areas. I am so excited to see how God is working in their lives and I just want to know more about them, but I don't want to seem like a leech. And I don't want to be like “dude, maybe I can go read with you guys next time” or anything because I feel like I'm not wanted.
And people in Columbus, I really love you, like Sarah, Emily, Christina, PJ, and Josh... when I was in Columbus and even more so now I feel so blessed to know people like you that love like you do, it really feels like the love of Jesus. Really.
I am bad at loving. I want to love people totally self-sacrificially but I get so confused as to what that looks like... Maybe I am over-thinking it.
I'm going to stop being emo now and go back to reading the Shack (153 pages in so far).
Sometimes I don't know if 1) I am crazy or 2) if everybody hates me. I think that this is an issue that I have and I really need to stop thinking that everybody is passive-aggressively trying to ignore me/piss me off. I try to understand that I am loved by God and that I am worthy because I am loved by Him (not loved by Him because I am worthy). But that has been really hard for me for the last few months.
When I was in Columbus, I felt so shunned... It seemed like if I asked people to do things with me (alone, as a group, whatever) people didn't want to or were always busy and then would never get back to me when they weren't busy. It wasn't for the last two or three weeks there that I actually felt cared about by anyone that that is why it is so bittersweet for me to have moved here. But most of the people that I love in Columbus are moving anyway.
Moving to a new school in the US is totally different than moving to China for a study abroad. When I went to China, I went with a bunch of other study-abroaders and lived with them, so we made friends within that group. Everyone understandably wanted to have friends and people to be close to, so people looked in that group. But here, it is so different. A lot of people have already been at the school and have friends that they hang around with or are already established in this area and stay within their group. I was so excited when last week my roommate asked me to go hang out with her friends... that was really nice, because I actually got to talk to people. I've hung out with some of my neighbors and stuff but it just seems like they don't want to hang out with me... I guess. I don't want to or need to dominate anyone's time, but I dunno... study sessions at a bookstore? I feel like since we are all in seminary that could be a group activity. Maybe not. And it sucks because I guess I'm not that social.
Anyhow it is super lonely here. Sometimes I get to talk to people but I never get to talk about how I feel or what is going on in my heart or prayer requests or anything and it is really hard... and I have been constantly in prayer but I really want some friends, too. I just feel weird sometimes, like I'm not good enough, not into the right music, not into the right sports, whatever, to be included.
But I am so grateful for the people that God has put in my life lately, like my nice neighbors that take me to church with them, invite me to hang out, and let me do laundry at their place; and for everything else those people already mean to me, I'm sure they don't know how much. And in those people I have seen people come from such different circumstances than me. I'm so used to people from Ohio and people from suburban areas. I am so excited to see how God is working in their lives and I just want to know more about them, but I don't want to seem like a leech. And I don't want to be like “dude, maybe I can go read with you guys next time” or anything because I feel like I'm not wanted.
And people in Columbus, I really love you, like Sarah, Emily, Christina, PJ, and Josh... when I was in Columbus and even more so now I feel so blessed to know people like you that love like you do, it really feels like the love of Jesus. Really.
I am bad at loving. I want to love people totally self-sacrificially but I get so confused as to what that looks like... Maybe I am over-thinking it.
I'm going to stop being emo now and go back to reading the Shack (153 pages in so far).
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
"oh, i thought it was midnight" realizations
All this summer I have been struggling with feeling like God hasn't been speaking to me. That false assumption was caused simply by my narrow perception and clouded views. I have been reading about my friends that are overseas doing missions work - sharing the Gospel, loving in ways they didn't know they could, seeing miracles, healing the sick. I was wondering why I couldn't participate in that kind of stuff. But, I have been seeing God work in his perfect way here and in my life.
My youngest sister is going to a Christian camp. That is beautiful, especially because my parents are nonbelievers (and thus think I am ruining my life). My sister often asks me questions about the very nature of God and it means so much that she will have the chance to spend a week with people that can teach her about and show her the love of Jesus.
I found out that my one of my best friends from high school has been radically saved and radically transformed by Jesus Christ. Wow. Just to talk with her and hear her heart for other people was so wonderful.
God has been showing me this summer that first I need to love God. God used books and blogs that I have been reading, and a paper written by a girl in one of my classes to show me this. She mentioned the two commandments that matter - love God, and love people. You might say "well, of course!" to me first needing to love God. Sometimes though I get caught up in things. I get caught up in wanting to go on missions and being an advocate for social justice and trying to help others with various things. I understand that all of those are great things and glorifying to God. But first, He wants me to just love Him. Love Him with my life and spend time with Him and live for Him. And I don't have to go do things that I am not to do that.
After doing a project on the persecution of Christians in North Korea, I feel so absolutely blessed to even be allowed to have a Bible. I can read my Bible and take it with me wherever I go and I can share the Word without fear or being tortured or murdered. I can go to church on Sundays or gather on other days to love and be with the body of Christ without fear of being sent to a labor camp. For that I am so grateful.
Also, God has just been showing me over and over again how I can trust Him and rest in knowing that His will and everything is perfect. He showed me that I can pray for my future husband, that he will be a man that first loves God and desires only to follow him and to love, live, and do everything for His glory.
Sometimes people will say to me, "oh, you must be so worried," or "that must be a tough choice" or different things along those lines (I'm not denying that there are tough choices or anything - just examples!). but it is strange - I feel at peace. I feel at peace (I used to not be; I especially was very upset at one point because I am not part of some groups of people at church, that I wasn't fitting into the pastor/missionary/worship leader mold, etc.) knowing that I am a part of the body of Christ. Maybe an eye instead of a hand, but the same body nonetheless.
I'm not sure any of this makes sense - it is nearly two hours past my bedtime. :o
My youngest sister is going to a Christian camp. That is beautiful, especially because my parents are nonbelievers (and thus think I am ruining my life). My sister often asks me questions about the very nature of God and it means so much that she will have the chance to spend a week with people that can teach her about and show her the love of Jesus.
I found out that my one of my best friends from high school has been radically saved and radically transformed by Jesus Christ. Wow. Just to talk with her and hear her heart for other people was so wonderful.
God has been showing me this summer that first I need to love God. God used books and blogs that I have been reading, and a paper written by a girl in one of my classes to show me this. She mentioned the two commandments that matter - love God, and love people. You might say "well, of course!" to me first needing to love God. Sometimes though I get caught up in things. I get caught up in wanting to go on missions and being an advocate for social justice and trying to help others with various things. I understand that all of those are great things and glorifying to God. But first, He wants me to just love Him. Love Him with my life and spend time with Him and live for Him. And I don't have to go do things that I am not to do that.
After doing a project on the persecution of Christians in North Korea, I feel so absolutely blessed to even be allowed to have a Bible. I can read my Bible and take it with me wherever I go and I can share the Word without fear or being tortured or murdered. I can go to church on Sundays or gather on other days to love and be with the body of Christ without fear of being sent to a labor camp. For that I am so grateful.
Also, God has just been showing me over and over again how I can trust Him and rest in knowing that His will and everything is perfect. He showed me that I can pray for my future husband, that he will be a man that first loves God and desires only to follow him and to love, live, and do everything for His glory.
Sometimes people will say to me, "oh, you must be so worried," or "that must be a tough choice" or different things along those lines (I'm not denying that there are tough choices or anything - just examples!). but it is strange - I feel at peace. I feel at peace (I used to not be; I especially was very upset at one point because I am not part of some groups of people at church, that I wasn't fitting into the pastor/missionary/worship leader mold, etc.) knowing that I am a part of the body of Christ. Maybe an eye instead of a hand, but the same body nonetheless.
I'm not sure any of this makes sense - it is nearly two hours past my bedtime. :o
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
joel osteen scares me
The other night, before I quit TV, I wasn't able to fall asleep until about 3:30 AM. I was flipping channels, and Joel Osteen was on. I decided to watch for a few minutes. I didn't realize that he would be so far off - indeed, preaching lies! - and so creepy. I had watched him before but he must not have said anything that made me feel such disgust. Besides his weird eye fluttering (??), he isn't preaching the Gospel. The Lakewood Church has over 40,000 people that go every week. That's incredible. But it was so sad for me to hear Joel Osteen talking about God's power as something so small and limited to issues some people are concerned about. He talked about how it was a great victory that the church obtained the arena that they now meet in after lawsuits and such. He told people that they can have "complete victory" and that includes finances.
Additionally, he doesn't quote much scripture - he sees himself as a "life coach". He wants to tell people how they should live their life. Yikes! Why will people just choose to follow what he says instead of reading their Bible and praying and being changed by God? It's hard to choose to follow something if people don't know why or who is commanding something.
Psalm 119:33-37
33 Teach me your decrees, O Lord;
I will keep them to the end.
34 Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions;
I will put them into practice with all my heart.
35 Make me walk along the path of your commands,
for that is where my happiness is found.
36 Give me an eagerness for your laws
rather than a love for money!
37 Turn my eyes from worthless things,
and give me life through your word.
He thinks people can be "totally free" - free from pain, discouragement, poverty, low self-esteem... Uhm... I believe that Jesus was in pain, was discouraged, was poor, etc.
But Joel Osteen apparently doesn't think that just having a relationship with Jesus Christ is satisfying enough. How wrong is that!
Video (don't worry about their comments really)
People need a relationship with Jesus. Not Joel.
Additionally, he doesn't quote much scripture - he sees himself as a "life coach". He wants to tell people how they should live their life. Yikes! Why will people just choose to follow what he says instead of reading their Bible and praying and being changed by God? It's hard to choose to follow something if people don't know why or who is commanding something.
Psalm 119:33-37
33 Teach me your decrees, O Lord;
I will keep them to the end.
34 Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions;
I will put them into practice with all my heart.
35 Make me walk along the path of your commands,
for that is where my happiness is found.
36 Give me an eagerness for your laws
rather than a love for money!
37 Turn my eyes from worthless things,
and give me life through your word.
He thinks people can be "totally free" - free from pain, discouragement, poverty, low self-esteem... Uhm... I believe that Jesus was in pain, was discouraged, was poor, etc.
But Joel Osteen apparently doesn't think that just having a relationship with Jesus Christ is satisfying enough. How wrong is that!
Video (don't worry about their comments really)
People need a relationship with Jesus. Not Joel.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
mark driscoll - God transforms
link. you can also download this and other sermons as audio.
Bluntly put, I've been ignoring God a bit lately. I felt very convicted of this, and also so sad and alone, and have made efforts to change that [the ignoring bit] as of yesterday. Today in the free time I had before and between classes I listened to this sermon. It just reinforced how I've been choosing homework, even, over God! I know that I certainly need to hear something like this on a regular basis. What am I choosing to make most important in my life? How do I spend my free time? Although much of my free time has been spent doing homework over the last four weeks, I also regularly watch at least 30 minutes of Saved by the Bell in the morning, and some TV at night. I'm definitely nixing TV in the morning. At night, I don't want to be comfortable - I want to be challenged; I want growth; I want to better know the Lord of the Universe! I can't do any of these things on my own and I just pray for strength and praise God for caring and loving about me so much that he would remind me of these things and more.
I know this sermon is long (70 minutes?) but think about it. Do you have 70 minutes of free time in your day? I have a 15 minute walk to class, then an hour break for lunch, then at least 20 more minutes of walking after that before I get home. That was plenty of time for me to listen to this sermon and some of another. Perhaps your day includes a commute to school or work, or a time when you relax after work/school before doing other things. Is that time being used to worship God?
PS. I know that many of you aren't like me and already do these things, different things, etc. and more. Would you be willing to share with me what some things are that you do on your commute to work or school?
Also - Mark's sermon is not necessarily about time management, if that is putting you off from it. :)
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
interesting teachers...
I am taking a class about censorship in theater. Today we were talking about the origins and history of censorship of theater (Plato's "The Republic"). Many times theater was censored because of moral objections to it, many times from Christians. My teacher was making some statements like "sex is bad," "well esau 'acted' when he tricked his father, so why is theater bad?" etc. Although some of the logic used by critics of theater was severely flawed (one guy whose name I cannot spell said: "well theater isn't in the Bible so obviously it is evil" [paraphrased]), some of the objections were pretty reasonable, like the church leaders not liking the bawdiness in the plays about Noah's ark and other Biblical stories.
In all, by the end of the class I felt attacked because it seemed like my teacher hated Christians and Christianity and Jesus. So I was sad.
After class I went and asked him if he hated Christianity or religion.
"No, no, I am a Christian and I love Jesus!"
Praise God!
He feels the same way I do; he is sad that some people pervert Christianity into things it is not. I was going to apologize on behalf of Christians that don't act like Christians and share the Gospel with him, but yeah.
It's nice to know that my teacher doesn't hate Christians!
In all, by the end of the class I felt attacked because it seemed like my teacher hated Christians and Christianity and Jesus. So I was sad.
After class I went and asked him if he hated Christianity or religion.
"No, no, I am a Christian and I love Jesus!"
Praise God!
He feels the same way I do; he is sad that some people pervert Christianity into things it is not. I was going to apologize on behalf of Christians that don't act like Christians and share the Gospel with him, but yeah.
It's nice to know that my teacher doesn't hate Christians!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
if all she has is you
This is a note I posted on facebook a while back (6/3/2008).
"If all she has is you, make sure you're one in a million"
-from "if all she has is you," anuna
I was listening to the nice and quiet anuna album that I have today (it's like celtic woman, but better) and heard this line. I love this album and have listened to it over and over again, and have heard that line over and over again. But today it stuck out to me.
How true is that line? And how important? It seems that I am the only Christian that many of my unbelieving friends know. What it Matt Catani that challenged us to think about "what if Jesus loved like I loved"? It's pretty scary! Am I giving the people I know and meet the best impression possible?
Think about what a huge example we could be to people. I remember Emily's story about how a girl at her work wanted to get back involved with church and maybe a Bible study. And Emily didn't even talk to her that much! But, that girl saw how Emily was different and it stuck out to her. That's pretty powerful and beautiful. God works in so many different situations, and I know personally, I forget about some of them.
I want to live a radical life of love and complete trust in Jesus Christ.
Many people assume that Christians are hateful or blood-hungry, or a whole assortment of other not-so-nice things. People can have changed perceptions, though. I love to think about that one girl whose life may be changed just because she was around someone that tries to have absolutely no roadblocks in her life for Jesus! It gets me really excited thinking about how beautiful that is. Some think that Christians aren't anything special, and they are like everyone else. We don't have to walk in darkness, though. We are set apart by God, and we are His children.
Jesus, please show me the areas in my life that I need to change or improve upon. Lord, you tell us to make disciples of all the nations and that includes right here at home. It is hard and scary to totally depend on you sometimes, but the reward of just getting to know you is so amazing. Please help us to live in such a way that if all someone has is us, that we really are such a prime example, that we are one in a million. In Your Holy Name, amen!
Some verses I thought of:
Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
Ephesians 5:3-4 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.
"If all she has is you, make sure you're one in a million"
-from "if all she has is you," anuna
I was listening to the nice and quiet anuna album that I have today (it's like celtic woman, but better) and heard this line. I love this album and have listened to it over and over again, and have heard that line over and over again. But today it stuck out to me.
How true is that line? And how important? It seems that I am the only Christian that many of my unbelieving friends know. What it Matt Catani that challenged us to think about "what if Jesus loved like I loved"? It's pretty scary! Am I giving the people I know and meet the best impression possible?
Think about what a huge example we could be to people. I remember Emily's story about how a girl at her work wanted to get back involved with church and maybe a Bible study. And Emily didn't even talk to her that much! But, that girl saw how Emily was different and it stuck out to her. That's pretty powerful and beautiful. God works in so many different situations, and I know personally, I forget about some of them.
I want to live a radical life of love and complete trust in Jesus Christ.
Many people assume that Christians are hateful or blood-hungry, or a whole assortment of other not-so-nice things. People can have changed perceptions, though. I love to think about that one girl whose life may be changed just because she was around someone that tries to have absolutely no roadblocks in her life for Jesus! It gets me really excited thinking about how beautiful that is. Some think that Christians aren't anything special, and they are like everyone else. We don't have to walk in darkness, though. We are set apart by God, and we are His children.
Jesus, please show me the areas in my life that I need to change or improve upon. Lord, you tell us to make disciples of all the nations and that includes right here at home. It is hard and scary to totally depend on you sometimes, but the reward of just getting to know you is so amazing. Please help us to live in such a way that if all someone has is us, that we really are such a prime example, that we are one in a million. In Your Holy Name, amen!
Some verses I thought of:
Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
Ephesians 5:3-4 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.
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